Blog by Rhys

Return of the pie monologues

2006-09-26T11:16:00.000+01:00

It's a slippery slope when one day you wake up, stare at the ceiling and think 'hmm i really can't be fucked to tell the world about this hangover'. Then before you know it several drinking sessions have gone unblogged and memories fade ever so fast. Regardless of this I'm pretty confident that between reacquainting myself with Cardiff boozing and 2-for-£5 wine at Goldsmiths local I've been having fun.

I'm also ridiculously fond of my new house which will hopefully being having a propa' party at some point.

In other news..
-I just can't stop listening to Emilianna Torrini (at this very moment the headphones are in)
-Course starts next week
-Can't find a job
-I need a shave but there's one bathroom between 5 in the new house and I just canae be arsed.

Some of my fave shots of August 2006

2006-09-02T15:59:00.000+01:00

Edinburgh Blog 5

2006-08-24T10:33:00.000+01:00

When I get home to Cardiff my sister will have gone to seek her fortune in Sheffield and it makes me sad to not see her off. Since she's already lined up a sweet job for herself I have faith - I'm just gonna miss her.

Last night I saw The Dresden Dolls which makes my life temporarily a bit more complete because I have all kinds of time for that band. They were playing at the club Molly chose for her birthday celebrations and it was way cool - plus she got hammered and Molly hammered is great!
(I've got arse loads of pictures but didn't bring the right wire that uploads them so as soon as I get to Cardiff I shall embelish my Edinburgh experience with the wonders of images)

....so I blatantly don't have a lot to say just now and I'll be seeing all my favorite muthafuckers soon anyway thus I'll leave you alone. Chow z

Edinburgh Blog 4

2006-08-17T00:27:00.000+01:00

I'm afraid to say my Blogging loyalties have been usurped. I've become a correspondent at the Edinburgh International Book Festival (yes I did just use the full title to sound impressive). As correspondent I am alternating with my lovely co-worker Cora the duty of providing a book festival diary for ThreeWeeks (them who I work for). Thus I've been writing inane synopsis’s of my days for someone else. Not very loyal of me I know but you could always got to the ThreeWeeks website Edinburgh.threeweeks.co.uk and read it there. Word of warning mind you, I'm not miraculously more interesting when I'm writing from the book festival so if you check it out expect the usual shit.

All my love

Edinburgh Blog 3

2006-08-10T22:04:00.000+01:00

I'm feeling rather accomplished today! I know bragging isn't attractive but here goes.
I was walking down the Royal Mile this morning when I got handed a flyer (because you can't dodge them all) and it turned out to be a play I'd seen and they've added a quote from my review to their flyer! I was extra chuffed that they'd deemed my review quotable because I really did think their show was ace.

When I got to the venue I had time to kill and picked up a copy each of Three Weeks weekly and daily papers and found I had two reviews in each! Let me just explain that Three Weeks reviews about two thousand shows at the festival and there's no way they all get to print. Over half just go on the website, so getting printed is pretty cool and I'm old fashioned and the internet just isn't the same.

Any way that's my brag. I'll leave you with a good quote from a play I just saw.(picture a drunk twentysomething woman)
"I want to know if I'll get married and have kids one day. And who with. And then go and find that guy and grab him by the ears and say 'what time do you call this!?"

complimentary water

2006-08-07T09:11:00.000+01:00

If you've ever been a barman and especially in a club you will have taken the order of someone completely off their face and given them a side glass of water they didn't ask for inscse they hit a moment of lucidity and realise they could do with it. Well today after a morning a running around and gulping back coffee I went into a funky cafe, shacking a sweaty I asked for a black coffee. I got one. Then the guy behind the bar slid a glass of water towards me 'um, that's for you too' he shrugged. What's become of me!!!!
Do I have a problem?
Bollox!

Edinburgh Blog 2

2006-08-05T09:17:00.000+01:00

Just like Molly predicted I'm starting to work out how this jumbled city fits together. There's still a dastardly amount of uphill walking but with any luck my heart will survive to the end of the month. I've reviewed six things at this point and getting in the swing of things.

I was slightly conflicted yesterday when I watched a show with another Three Weeks reviewer in the audience. He gave them a standing ovation, I gave them two stars. I guess there's no right and wrong in reviewing but ideally you'd like to be on the same level as your co-workers. Interesting and slightly worrying.

Does anyone still read this? Ah well, bothered.

Edinburgh blog 1

2006-08-02T09:32:00.000+01:00

Obviously the Megabus was a DVT special and giving details just isn’t worth it. Suffice to say I reached Edinburgh. I’d forgotten what a beautiful city it is, I can’t wait to know my way around properly.

My accommodation is ridiculous, I’m still trying to work out how it happened! I appear to have a room on one of the most affluent streets in Edinburgh. Want proof? Yesterday I had a civilised meal in the dining room with three public schooled twenty something’s. This consisted of the surveyor, the organizer of luxury African holidays and a member of the Canadian rugby team. I don’t know if this is called landing on my feet or if it just takes the piss?

The reviewing starts today. But it’s early days at the festival so I’ve only got one play to see.

Adios for now x

~

2006-07-26T13:49:00.000+01:00

Goldsmiths website has put up results info!! Don't know my marks but I do know I've passed the first year. FACT! 10% of my degree done!
xxxxxxxxxx

The Big Heat

2006-07-25T21:12:00.000+01:00

So I saw 'Joan As Police Woman' on Saturday. However, faced with the problem of my usual Cardiff chums swaning off to London this summer I improvised by rallying up my sisters friends instead. They're a cool bunch and the gig was good too. In fact I felt JAPW was worth an investment and decided to buy the album, only to find Joan hovering by the merchandise stall with a marker pen. Thus my copy is signed and I also sustained a 30second awkward conversation with her. What fun.

Today I helped my sister collect data for her Thesis by getting 200 people to answer the same 3 questions. Nearly four hours of sizzling down Cardiff Bay as trendy young Civil Servants flounced by acting too cool for questionairs. We got by with some trusty children’s factor 50 Nivea sun cream, and it was rather satisfying when we reached our target in time for Neighbours.

Edinburgh is mighty soon! I foolishly read 'Knots and Crosses' by Ian Rankin, part of a detective series set in the fine city. But tales of perpetual rain, kiddie murders and drug mafias have failed to get me in the festival spirit. Luckily Molly rang and it's good to know she'll be around.

This is a long blog considering I've done nothing. I'm just a boy with too much time on his hands. Or maybe I care too much........

Central Edinburgh muthafuckers!

2006-07-19T13:46:00.000+01:00

Hoorah!!
I managed to talk the aforementioned £600 flat down to £400. It's still a lot but it's central (above a pub no less) and frankly I'm going broke and I may as well be comfy.

I also have tickets to see 'Joan as Police Woman' on saturday night. An act that's part of the Anthony & the Johnosons, Devendra Banheart, Coco Rosie clique which is ace.

Must dash, I think Sioned has heat stroke..

Good News

2006-07-18T21:04:00.000+01:00

I'm happy. Thanks to the sunshine unemployment isn't such a bad thing after all. I sunbathed and read in the garden today. I made a tasty salad for lunch and I took a cool bath with good music on. I have no complaints. I wish I could put everyone inside my head so you could all feel this contentedness.

London, Cardiff, Edinburgh...past, present, future...

2006-07-14T19:55:00.000+01:00

Endeavouring to scrape together some dollah before I Megabus to Edinburgh I'm pleased to report that I've dodged prostitution for another week. Instead I weathered a three night stint at Cardiff students Union Bar on graduation week. Marvelling at the slaughtered mass of graduates I was treated to three farewell nights. Three nights of 'we are the champions' 'Time of My Life' and some other predictable power ballads.

I'm also trying to catch the scent of some cheap accommodation in Edinburgh. I was given contact details of a free room only to be told that the going price per month is £600. I promptly shat my knickers and have been trawling the web ever since looking for a spare mattress in a fairly central Edinburgh crack house. Either that or I'll have to sacrifice my Secret Garden Party ticket, and that's about as likely as President Bush having a Muslim boyfriend.

I should get back to my boredom now the TV can't watch itself. Ta kids x

SUPER FUCKED

2006-07-06T23:29:00.000+01:00

I'm coming to terms with the fact that employment has and will evade me this month. After a fortnight of hunting I finally got a bar gig for around £100 only to receive a call this morning telling me my hours have been more than halved. Two weeks = £45.

Drastic action my have to be taken. High heels, fishnets and a super-soaker full of lube STAT! Only degradation can save me now!

"I'd be broke as a joke if I had to be a ho":

2006-07-02T14:49:00.000+01:00

-Jobs found = Zero
-Weight Gained = some...but I refuse to step on the weighing scales.
-The latest reason I'll never be cool = I've recently discovered BBC Parliament is really interesting!
-Discovery of the week =a cold shot of espresso with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.
-Friends missed =every one!!!!
-
(Yes it's a refernece to 'we are scientis' I'm not just thrusting my cat around for no reason!)

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, HERE ARE SOME LOVELY PEOPLE I KNOW

2006-05-26T19:30:00.001+01:00

The Plan

2006-05-14T20:32:00.000+01:00

This summer and all of next year I will be saving as much money as possible so as to have one long decent opportunity to travel in summer2007. I have no idea where I'll be going yet (all suggestions welcome). Also as soon as I have a vague itinerary I'll let everyone know and anyone can join me for a stage of the trip of their choice! Part of my reason for doing this is to try travelling alone just once but not the whole time. Now I just need full-time summer work, which is already proving a spanner in the master plan since my CV boasts only bar work and I'd rather like an office job for once hmmm...

I didn't mean to rant, it just happened...

2006-05-09T12:30:00.000+01:00

Current state of my exams: A bit like Corrinne Balley Rae, not terrible but nothing to rave about.

Also I've been wondering. Never having been in a relationship I feel there is a gap in my knowledge. Why, on a fortnightly basis, do couples suddenly declare that they're probably about to break up? They tell the world that its the end of the road and it's irreconcilable. Then out of nowhere they're happy again and they seem to feel absolutely no embarrassment at the fact that they wasted your fucking time and sympathy!!! Either deal with your insecurities or bastard well break the fuck up! It tires me out just watching this constant pattern every other week, how the hell do they keep it up?

It's probably because I've never been part of a couple. Clearly the need to almost break up all the time is just something my single mind cannot fathom. But let me just say this, if a couple have problems, deal with it as a couple. Please don't you dare come and tell me about it because I'm fresh out of sympathy.

Sing it with me! I-had-the-time-of-my-life-and-I-owe-it-all-to-bunking-off

2006-04-30T16:43:00.000+01:00

I must revise. I must revise. I have a long history of buggering up exams. I must revise!
What's that you say? One of my local pubs is having a summer barbeque and I'm invited? Lets face it what hope has revision got when the waft of burnt cowhide beckons. In my defence once in the Hobgoblin there was some French guy at my table saying how good the burgers were which is pretty solid proof they were quality.

Revise! Must revise!!!!
Ring-ring...oh hi Molly...What? A free anti-racism gig in Trafalgar Square, surely it's my duty as a moral human to attend!
Well...since I made the effort to come all the way here I may as well go for one pint, it's just good manners... Alas little did I realise I'd end up discovering Alpine Larger £1.90 a pint and miraculously doesn't taste like shite. Cut to Molly and me on our third pint, nestled firmly in The Chandos and completely missing Belle & Sebastian’s performance. It was worth it to be honest.

Revision! Fucking do some revision!
.... Oh look. I haven't updated my blog in ages.......

Pun-dit

2006-04-14T23:01:00.000+01:00

So I watched a documentary on BBC3 called 'I Love being HIV positive' by Ricky Dyer(HIV+) who set about unearthing the realities and myths about bug-chasing which is basically people who actively try to become infected with HIV. Overall it looked as if it's mostly just some peoples sexual fantasy which they don't intend to turn into a reality although researching it was obviously a bit of a bugger. One of the main ways Dyer searched for bug-chasers was by cruising www.gaydar.co.uk and this is where I'm going to get a bit anal. According to Dyer a majority of gay men in Britain are signed up to Gaydar, he then said that Gaydar is predominantly used for finding sex?
Say whaaat? Let me get this straight, most gay men in the UK are on Gaydar and they're all looking for a shag? Spank me if I'm wrong (please), but I just can't imagine all of Britain’s Homos simultaneously scouring the web for some action. As a member of Gaydar I've seen plenty of guys profiles who are looking relationships/friendships/advice. So by lumping the entire UK gay population into the 'just after sex' category, Dyer is enforcing one hefty stereotype. You are gay= you want a quickie with a stranger. Really?

Granted plenty of guys fit the description and I'm well aware criticizing a documentary is easier than making one. Still as a sociology student inaccurate generalisations are one of my buttons which may possibly make me the saddest person I know. But I had to get that off my chest and now I have I guess I'll shut my cake hole for a while.
xx

Scratch and win!

2006-04-09T22:00:00.000+01:00

If the last person you'd slept with texted you fretting over feeling 'itchy' then text an hour later saying it was probably just his imagination, and you text back suggesting he take a creative writing course and channel his imagination somewhere more useful! Who's the bad guy?

I love Cardiff in the springtime

2006-04-06T16:23:00.000+01:00

I've been revising in cafes in Cardiff centre and fuck me if it hasn't become my new favourite pass time. Basically I've got an appalling exam timetable this year and some serious swatting has to be done. Thus I've found the most satisfying routine ever! I cycle down the nature trail into town in the morning giving myself a gorgeous dose of sunshine and exercise. Then I find a good cafe, order a Mocha (Q: Would you like whipped cream with that? A: Dear God yes!) and then hog a table by scattering my notes everywhere.

Yesterday I looked up from 'The Communist Manifesto' and realised I was the only person in the upstairs of Cafe Nero’s. Frankly, presented with the opportunity I felt there was no other choice than to steal some ashtrays. After all I can only give Marx & Engles my attention for a limited time before diverting myself with some kleptomania. Alas karma was definitely on my case because halfway home one of the peddles fell off my bike. After clattering to a stop near a pair of teenage girls who looked at me as if nearly falling off my bike was a clear sign of being a pervert, I had to walk the rest of the way home. Nevertheless springtime, revision and coffee are definitely my recommended combination of the week.

P.S

2006-03-31T15:48:00.001+01:00

If you get the chance to see the new movie 'Hostel' I suggest you find something better to do, for instance shoot yourself in the groin. Seriously worst film ever. It's plotless, limp and the scaryest thing about it is that Quentin Tarantino endorsed it! For shame!

Tumbledown Fag

2006-03-31T14:55:00.004+01:00

My long harboured belief that I'm not designed for exercise has been proved true . Newly back in Cardiff today I got up extra early and set out for a my first jog for many moons having abandoned personal fitness sometime around the discovery of booze and debauchery. However once in the park I wheezed foreword about three strides before trying to change the track on my MP3 player. Thwarted by this foolhardy attempt to multitask I promptly fell flat on my face stripping a chunk of skin off the palm of my left hand and shredding my right knee whilst simultaneously packing the wounds full of mud and dog shit.

Fuelled by the shame of sprawling on my face in view of the early morning dog walkers I miraculously got up and kept jogging in the hope that limping around my local park covered in blood would prove to the world how hardcore I am. Needless to say I won't be jogging again tomorrow. If that means becoming a fat fuck then I'll simply use the money I might have spent on running shoos or (god forbid) a Gym membership and get myself liposuction later in life.
Another lesson learned.

Have you seen this stereo?

2006-03-28T16:56:00.000+01:00

We all know best laid plans go to waste so lord knows where poorly made plans go. All I know is that thanks to O2 recalling my phone my social life has fallen flat on its face like a fat man with his laces tied together. Friday night was a cock-up in which technology seemed determined to fuck with my plans in the form of a reclaimed phone, three broken ticket machines and four broken tubes. Dear God-of Mobile-phones I know not what I have done to deserve this but I beseech thee have mercy on my sim card!

I also got home yesterday to find someone had craftily broken into our kitchen and stolen Ilona's stereo from it's fail-safe position on top of an ironing board by the window on the ground floor facing the main road. Who knew placing valuables in view of most of South-east London was a bad idea? We hung around waiting for the CSI team to burst in and discover a fleck of dandruff that would lead them to the perp. Alas, two pleasant ladies came by and sprinkled a bit of dust around the broken window as a formality before handing Ilona her crime number in order to claim insurance. Apparently Channel five is still in discussion over CSI: New Cross.

Believe me!

2006-03-22T20:25:00.000Z

Holy fuck! I'm researching Fundamentalism for a presentation tomorrow. The fact that I loose my charisma, confidence and grasp of the English language when forced to stand and speak in front of other people is one thing. But Fundamentalism, my friends is a whole other kettle of explosives! I don't even know where to begin whinging about this let alone stand up and give a comprehensible presentation.

Also if you fancy loosing a bit of faith in humanity check out www.natvan.com
I happened upon it today although I must stress it's not actually Fundamentalist and aided my research not one bit. Go there!

In other news I descended upon another local night giving away free cake (it's as if they know I'm near by). It was Korean and very crunchy and a bit burnt at the sides but pretty nice.

In conclusion thumbs down Fundamentalism. Thumbs up cake.

Victoria Sponge & Scrabble:

2006-03-17T17:12:00.000Z

Yesterday as promised I set out in pursuit of free cake. I followed my nose to The Montague Arms, a pub boasting an array of animal heads on the walls, a discarded stage coach at the back, a selection of board games and lots of fairy lights. Imagine what a traditional pub might look like if you went there on acid? Working on the theme of 'kid's parties' this was a monthly night hosted by three-piece band 'My Picture' who coincidentally always headline (Check Myspace for more info).

But let's not get sidetracked with details, the almighty question is what guise and quantity did the anticipated cake take? Firstly, after snapping up a jam tart at the door I keenly scoffed a further two cup cakes and some swiss role before overstaying my welcome at the cake stall. Later however we were playing scrabble and listening to Italian rockers 'Dry Tap' when one of the hosts generously handed us an entire Sainsbury's basics Victoria Sponge! Finding ourselves without a cake knife (the one night I left it at home tsk) we were forced to rip the cake apart with our hands adding to my innate sense of being a pudding hunter gatherer. Overall the music was decent, the free cake was satisfying and my sense of achievement was overwhelming. Good times. Xx

The Cake Monologues: Part1

2006-03-15T15:35:00.000Z

Last shag: Two weeks ago. Last cake: Yesterday. Do you think I’m satisfied?

Of course I’m bloody satisfied! I’ve gotta have it at least once every two days, thus my needs have been thoroughly gratified. Aaah….

Did you know McDonalds is closing 25 of its UK branches because people have finally realised it’s overpriced donkey shit? Hooray! I’m not one to fret over Globalization and mega-corporations destroying our souls, I just hate paying £2.85 for a plastic tray full of wank. I can get that at home for nothing thanks all the same Ronald.

Also I’ve recently stumbled upon the 'desperately seeking'or'missed connections' sections on www.Gumtree.com. Originally I assumed this was a lonely hearts section for the lowest of the low. But in fact it's a place you can search for specific people e.g. 'Were you the guy in burbery that stole my heart along with my purse on the 29 bus at 7:15pm 11th of March?' or 'Sally we met in HMV last weekend and I’ve been wanking over your memory ever since, wanna meet?'. Don't ask me why but I find it utterly enthralling to think that there are people living their lives completely unaware that someone out there thinks they're special. I'm keeping an eye out for one saying something like 'Are you the cute guy that puked and Kings College on the 3rd of February, wanna live happily ever after?'.Any day now people.

Apologies to anyone expecting more cake related banter but I can guarantee it’ll come up in future blogs.
There’s always time for cake.xxx

1st Blog

2006-03-13T16:18:00.000Z

I tried to update the template of this thing to set a funky polka-dot mood to compensate for any shambolic blogs I happen to write. Alas my computer skills don't stretch beyond pissing around with the font in Word Excel (A skill highlighted on my CV)I'm stuck with this.

I've just found a flyer next to the library computer advertising a local night on Thursday. Apparently there are live bands (thumbs up), Free face painting (two thumbs up) and most importantly FREE CAKE! As a self confessed pie I can honestly say I shall be there, possibly with a bib around my neck and desert fork in one hand. Yes that's right, free cake and I'll happily listen to the latest shite indie band who probably have group wanking sessions over a picture of Pete Doherty in rehearsals.

Don't really know if I'll blog regularly, there's a chance I'm too much of a lazy cunt to live a life worth documenting. But I may update you on the quality of Thursday's cake.
bye for now